Cunnilingus threats on the M1.

I have to admit that this particular incident didn’t go down in the last seven days,  but I’ve actually had quite a pleasant week.

My good friend Lauren Scott was kind enough to drive me the 100 miles back to Loughborough University in exchange for a weekend at mine and hopefully banging student night out. We’d whiled away the first hour with several Disney soundtracks and important discussions about boys. Towards the tail end of our journey I glanced to my left and I saw a bloke in a car, defying all conventions of Britishness by smiling and waving to us. No sooner had I turned to Lauren to delightedly exclaim, ‘Look! What a lovely young man!’ had his polite wave turned into the universal symbol for cunnilingus.

I’d like to point out it was the kind of cunnilingus you’d expect to receive from the hungriest man in the world. I don’t want to judge his technique on such flimsy evidence – after all, he was driving a car – but I could have told him for nothing that if he ever tried this particular tongue motion on a real woman he’d be getting nowhere. He may as well just go and put the kettle on.

Car-Pervert

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