Do you want to live the rest of your life in the frustrating cycle of losing and gaining weight?
Follow these simple steps to get the yo-yo figure of your dreams!
- Weigh yourself. Give yourself a stern talking to.
- Exercise. If you’re experiencing discomfort like you’ve never known before whilst sweating yourself to terminal dehydration then you’re doing it right. Endure the 90 minutes of high intensity exercise for the 5 second orgasmic endorphin rush.
- Food. Green= good. Beige= bad.
- Weight loss, hurrah!
- Throw out all the clothes that are 1/4 inch “too big” for you, in a fit of eternal optimism.
- Get on Facebook and indulge in a bit of humble bragging. Tag yourself at the gym and upload a pouty selfie, that sort of thing. Remember- if you don’t inform everyone you’ve ever met that you’ve done a work out then it DOESN’T COUNT.
- Treat yourself to a pizza, you’ve earned it!
- Maybe another one.
- And another.
- Calories in wine?! Nonsense! It’s GOOD FOR YOU.
Rinse and repeat forever.