Insanity.

Nine days ago, in an fit of optimism during my existential crisis I figured some tasty endorphins would probably help. I’d heard really great things about American fitness trainer Shaun T’s programme- Insanity.

Insanity’s advertising emphasises “max interval training”, a method of exercising during which one works out strenuously for 3–4 minutes and then rests for approximately 30 seconds before starting the whole process over again. The course consists of different home exercise videos to do in a certain order, six days a week for 60 days.

Now, I know it’s not the British way to gather in a room and congratulate each other on being exercise wankers, and the “infomercial” is incredibly American, but I couldn’t find a single bad review of the programme online and we all know what grumpy arseholes people can be on the internet.

Also, several of my brother’s friends who’d completed it claimed to have lost over a stone in 60 days, and who doesn’t want a bit of that?! Luckily, two different girl friends of mine were also embarking on the same programme, so I decided to give it a bash.

Like I said, I’m on day nine, and I can safely say they have been the sweatiest nine days of my life. Admittedly, I was unfit to begin with so I was bound to find it difficult – maybe some of you fitness freaks out there would find it a piece of piss, screw you lot- but it really is the most challenging work out I have ever done. He has a room full of fitness buffs doing the workout  behind him and even they struggle to keep up at times.

One friend said: “I’m so excessively damp from that bastard work out I’m not convinced it’s just sweat and I haven’t actually pissed myself.”

The other friend said just today: “I’m pretty sure I’ve broken my arse. I think my left bum cheek is inside out?!”

Shaun T is an absolutely huge wall of muscle, but he is quite tender and reassuring with a strangely soothing voice even when he’s screaming his bollocks off at you. At some point during yesterday’s one minute of ‘suicide jumps’ (!) I genuinely slipped over ON MY OWN SWEAT that had accumulated in vast puddles on the floor, and, as if he could see me through my laptop, he yelled “I KNOW YOU’RE TIRED, BUT GET BACK UP, YOU CAN DO THIS!”

The jury is still out in terms of whether or not the programme will deliver the results it promises, but so far I’d recommend people give it a bash if they fancy a challenge. If you try it and find it easy then don’t tell me, I’d rather not know. Thanks.

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